July 6, 2020

Every Work From Home Ever

(laughing) (notification dinging) (gasping) (keyboard tapping) (message swooshing) (notification dinging) – (beep).

All right.

(groaning) (grunting) (vocalizing) (lips smacking) Why am I.

.

.

(grunting) Okay.

Damn it, Amanda, I knew I should have puton makeup this morning! You know what, it's fine.

All I gotta do is justput on a little rouge.

(grunting) – Oh, girl, who hurt you? – Oh, no one.

I slapped myself, 'cause, you know, rouge.

– Well, looks good, though.

– Thanks.

– Also, you're fired, thecompany's out of money.

– Oh.

Okay, well, is there any– – I don't have any money for you.

– Okay.

– Every work from home ever.

Hey Alexa, what time is it? – [Alexa] It's 11:30.

– [Siri] You never ask me anymore.

– What? – [Siri] You used to talkto me at work all the time and now that you're home, it's like I don't exist.

– [Alexa] Back off my manbefore you catch these hands.

– Okay, what the hell is going on? – [Siri] All you wantto do is run your mouth, but when I pull up you're just talk.

– Ladies, come on, now.

– [Siri] Alexa, volume one.

– [Alexa] Okay, youwant to play like that? Siri, count to a million.

– [Siri] (beep) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

– This house is falling apart! – [Courtney] Did you hear what Linda said near the water cooler? Neither did I.

– Now that Jerry's done talking (laughing) are we all ready to get started? Does anyone need to use the bathroom? – [All] No, we're good.

(toilet flushing) – [Shayne] Good, I hated my coworkers.

– Okay.

(jaunty music) Okay.

(grunting) (smacking) (grunting) (smacking) I miss my old workspacewith harsh lighting.

(crying) I don't care, Istill wear my stilettos to our video chat meetings, it's a power move.

– And send.

Dude, three emails sent today? I am being so frickin' productive.

I deserve a ten minute break.

(chill electronic music) (sighing) (crickets chirping) (beep) – [Shayne] Ah, time formy tenth Zoom meeting.

– Hello all.

Hmm.

(upbeat dance music) (keyboard tapping) (sighing) Well, that's my day, oh my gosh.

I gotta head home.

(sighing) (Netflix opening music) Yeah, my supervisor's my cat right now.

(keyboard tapping) (ominous singing) (keyboard tapping) (ominous singing) – No, no.

(ominous singing) Screw it.

(magical chiming music) All right, there.

No distractions.

(ominous singing echoing) There's no way my boss couldannoy me now, is there? – All right, well thatmeeting was productive.

– Yes sir, we've got our marching orders so let's just get to it.

– Great, I'll talk to you later, then.

– Oh, sir, it looks like you didn't quite turnoff your webcam there.

(laughing) What a dork.

Not that hard, man.

– Oh, forgot my water bottle.

Damien, I think you forgotto turn your webcam off.

Does that say “plan totake over the company?” – Oh! Well, it looks like my top secret plan to take over the companyand usurp my terrible boss got stuck to my shirt again.

Typical me.

– You seriously wrote that down? – Well, time to read it out loud.

Step one, kill my boss.

Oh, my webcam's on, shoot.

– [Courtney] Attentionstaff, our HR department is now just your conscience.

– All right, great meeting, good synergy.

I'll see you guys later.

– See ya.

– See you guys, bye.

– Great meeting, guys, yeah, see you soon.

– Welp.

– Yep.

Yep-a-roo.

– Have a good one.

– You too, man.

Wash your hands! – Talk to you later.

– Sounds good.

– Dude, just sign off.

– Uh, you first.

– No, you.

– How 'bout no? – Why? – I have to be the last one out because I need to establish dominance and I need to establish my kingdom.

– No, I am the Marines of Google Hangouts.

First one in, last one out, so beat it.

– Uh, no.

– Hey, (beep) you.

– No, (beep) you, (beep) you.

– (beep) you.

– Yeah, (beep) you, blondie.

– You know what, you know what? Fine.

Bye, I'm going off.

– Bye.

– Hey, hey, you're just coveringyour camera with your hand.

– So were you.

– Equal powers? – Equal powers.

(intense music) You know, every queen needs her king.

– It's me and all my coworkers, Häaen, Dazs, Ben, and Jerry.

With all the delays anda difference in traffic, this is why we're going tosee our CPM spike for a bit.

– [Damien] Are you almost done, babe? – One second guys, I'm gonnamute myself really quick.

One second babe, I'm almostdone with this work call.

I swear to God, thesepeople are so (beep) lame.

Honestly, it feels like I'mthe only one with a brain working at this company, which, by the way, was a stupid (beep)idea in the first place.

– Hey Courtney? We can hear you.

– Good.

Anyway, what were you sayingabout the CPM or whatever? (grunting) Hey, who the heck ate mylunch out of the fridge? Oh wait, me.

(crying) – Hey, sorry about my background, man, I know my place is kind of a mess.

– Oh, no worries man.

Let's just jump into some comedy pitches.

Let's make some comedy, brother.

– You know what, actually, I'm sorry, this is gonna bug me, hold on.

– It's really not a big deal.

– Aye, there we go.

That's better.

– Perfect, so.

About those pitches.

– Oh, wait, check this out.

I'm in the jungle, baby.

♪ Hakuna Matata ♪ – Damien, Damien, can we please focus? – Uh oh, boss, looks like my shady past finally caught up to me.

– Damien, stop (beep) aroundand give me some ideas.

– That's really cold-blooded, boss.

(shivering) (laughing) Brr, it's cold.

– Oh, my God.

– Thanos was my dad.

– Working from home is weird considering I'm a police officer.

Hey, what's up? Happy Friday.

– It's Wednesday.

– No, it's not.

Really? – Yep.

– Well then, how come I'm drunk? – Probably because youhave a drinking problem.

– Oh, right.

So what can I help you with? – I just need you tosign the divorce papers I sent you, please.

– You got it, dude.

Anything to save our marriage.

– Thank you.

(call ending chiming) (snoring) (beeping) – Getting this to stick is hard.

(beeping) Step one, kill my boss.

Man, this is a good list.

This is a good list right here.

(beeping) – Okay.

Damn it, Courtney, Iknew I should have put, my name isn't Courtney in this scene.

Love that for me.

(beeping) I miss my work desk and harsh (muttering).

(beeping) Hello all, oh.

(laughing) Hello all! (beeping) (jaunty music) – This is me trying to look for a weapon.

I don't know what that was.

Come at me, Damien, I got a screwdriver.

(beeping) – Okay, before we get started, this.

(sighing) (beeping) I didn't know you could usethat for pan, you could, (groaning)(beeping) Well, let me tell you a story about a lovely lady ♪ Who was ♪ (vocalizing) (beeping) – Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this video.

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