We Gave Up Our Cell Phones For Our Mental Health • Ladylike
if you're someone who has to check their work or school email right before bed or first thing after waking up then you may have heard of the term burnout burnout is a symptom of depression or anxiety surrounding a person's career while burnout resembles different things for different people
we at lady-like recognize that this mental health condition is a serious issue in our YouTube community okay we're not claiming to have all the answers but this week we're gonna take a closer look at how being constantly plugged in has affected our mental health and relationship to each
other it's ladylike and this week we're unplugging so Mike what are you doing today hi I'm in this video about unplugging it's so exciting so Mike describe your job I am a producer at BuzzFeed specifically I work on ladylike hi everyone you might have seen me behind the
scenes in some of the videos I helped shoot videos I helped edit videos I'm just here to support these wonderful women you do so much for a lady like you really like the engine behind this little train and so you have to come in and plug with us
I'm very grateful for this opportunity I think that burnout means that you come to work and you sit at your desk and you wonder whether or not you have enough energy to even open your email to me burnout means that I'm much more tired than usual and I
really just want to sit home and not talk to anyone and not do anything but knowing that I can't do that burnout is when you come home from work and you don't even enjoy playing your video games you just kind of want to sit on your couch and
you go to give it at 9:45 but you're not happy about it typically I'm a person who loves being around other people I get a kick out of people and how they react to things especially if reactions are different from mine burnout for me means that it's exhausting
to be around other people that I literally cannot take in other people's energy or else I will start losing it I will become emotional burnout to me means you've been working nonstop and your body and your mind are just perpetually tired like even if you get a good
night's sleep you'll still wake up and you'll feel a little for lack of a better word dead inside we are shooting all the time sometimes some of us edit our videos but honestly we're shooting so much it's really hard to do that anymore when we're not doing that
we're posting an Instagram we're posting on Twitter we're doing these things because when you don't do these things you can't grow your following and if you're not growing you're following you're losing you're following people expect content when they want it which is all the time I feel like
whenever I'm burned out I just stop really caring like I don't really have any motivation I'm just sort of like I don't care about this project like whatever even if it was an exciting project I just sort of feel a little bit numb to it all I've been
doing this consistently for about three and a half years so I feel like I've definitely established a rhythm and how I work but as everyone wants you know you always want to level up and grow and do better and create something better than the last so that's always
something that I struggle with I'm not even gonna put makeup on for this pre interview because at this point like what what's the point I think my relationship with social media is healthy ish and if I'm continuing to go down the road that I'm on I feel like
it will start becoming a little unhealthy a couple weeks ago with my boyfriend's family where we went to a campsite that's only accessible by boat so it's on a lake and there's porta-potties like it's just like straight up camping like we didn't even have tents we're sleeping underneath
the stars for entire week and it was amazing but one thing I noticed is when I got back it weird to hold my phone in my hand I love this job and I feel so lucky to be on this team but I know that I will benefit from
unplugging and doing some self-care I think that's just what the doctor ordered so I got this email from glamping hub about just their offerings and I'd never heard about flaming hub before and I went onto their website it was like holy crap you can stay in a treehouse
so I reached out and they were super so excited to work with us and we're down to give us like this palatial cabin in the woods and Idlewild this is a good thing for us and it's not like we're not having any screen time I'm taking everyone's phones
and we're gonna put it in a basket and somewhere in the home where everyone has access to it I'm gonna outfit the house with bunch of GoPros we're using g7 X's which is a Canon camera it's point-and-shoot so it's not like we have a smartphone and I'm not
gonna require usually as a producer you're like everyone block it's gonna be on me little bit to make sure that it captured those moments of us connecting and capture those moments of us on winding so today we're gonna meet with therapists Naggar Sasha and she's gonna give us
a little bit of an assessment about kind of where we are in this burnout spectrum and what kind of things we need to be focusing on to help us relax burnout is essentially a state of chronic stress that happens when we overexert ourselves in our professional lives in
an effort to excel and actually succeed we end up harming ourselves because we're essentially stepping on the gas pedal with an empty gas tank mic Kristen and I are driving up today this afternoon we're just leaving oh good morning I think Jen and Fred are here well Wow
I try to be on brand for this trip angry nature's our brand fierce nature we may have to share a bathroom but this is your room cozy ample closet space right we're about to turn our phones off in mere moments happening now my friend so the idea of
taking in my surroundings and not doing anything stresses me out when this project came about I was the most excited about getting the chance to finally finish my book start a new one like doing things still but I realized that that's also maybe a part of my need
for always having to do something like just sitting there and not doing anything like just putting the book down putting the phone down that image is sitting scares me so I found this cute old box uh-huh in this glamping hub Cavan I thought it was like nice and
magical to keep our phones in I thought maybe we could put it over there on the dresser and then when you want to like log in your hour a fun time screen time put it here and then just to be clear like texting the whole time so once
you do you're out is that consecutive out you can't break it up it's just really hard to measure I think to like break it up cuz I'm gonna be like what's that fifteen minutes like and I don't want to like police go so do what you have to
do on your honor you know I thought your unconscious I just try to keep it to an hour the hardest part is going to be actually committing to the unplugging given that we're doing this in the middle of the workweek if it was a weekend and if it
was like well I'm like I shouldn't be working anyway that'd be different but there's just it's gonna be a little show so let's plan for that one thoughts come up for you when you try to unplug and then you remember oh it's a middle of a work week
I don't feel good about this I'm going to be dropping the ball on somebody the thoughts are someone's going to need something and I won't be able to deliver it oh and then mostly that I'll just get behind I really wish I brought like a dummy phone just
to put in the box okay Kristen setting and out of office message and I sent my message then you descend what are we doing now I know exactly fascinating did you wear the challenge for me is gonna be keeping these rules and like the whole crux of this
video is to be unplugged what thoughts come up when somebody pushes back for you and sewing and need it for 20 more minutes or one more hour do you feel like you're being a bad cop I feel like I'm being the bad cop and I also feel like
I don't want to have to force someone to be participatory and an idea that I know is gonna do well mm-hmm you know and if we have asked this our audience is super intuitive and they're gonna know it's gonna be fun you guys I promise okay guys it's
been like maybe 15 minutes yeah you've been making I suspect that and you tell me if this fits that there's a fear and what might come up if you're still in silent with yourself yes being still and silent to me is like so boring why don't you get
people who meditate I'm so glad it really helps people I think it's really important to have good coping skills holy bananas you respect it but you can't for the life of you understand I do not get it all if it doesn't feel comfortable for you to focus just
on being present with your thoughts in a blank way you might choose to do something you like in a mindful way you're gonna choose to read this book for 30 minutes and I'm gonna watch for when my mind starts to wander somewhere else and bring myself back so
that you're talking to yourself in a really kind way we are going to the lake so we just got back from the market and I asked the guy for directions and they're pretty simple we just stay on this road until we get to a gas station in ten
minutes and then we turn left I'm gonna try to follow those directions those spoken directions yes that's what happens when people say those are all directions I love Laurel and instead of opening my box so we're gonna see if we get lost yeah my I think I'm lost
it's on airplane none of the apps trend because just an fern Valley until we're in south circle and they weren't I was right I think we're on a driveway but Devon thinks were on an actual road yeah this is still pine first time yeah this is the wrong
way so Kristen what's going on okay so my foot seats are involuntarily move forward and directions again I bet you're gonna turn on your phone and we're not gonna have service my work in my identity are not intertwined so much as they are literally the same thing I
am a person who does work have you always been that person oh yes I have a lot of problems with relinquishing control and also allowing others to solve problems for me what happens the bottle of water did it I knew we could we did it we never turn
on our GPS we may not be able to swim in this lake ohrid or were you gonna lock me out and get on my phone yeah yes you asked yes get off the phone and use where there's no service anyway because on well we have our own little
private beach today it's been about like I would say almost two hours hour and a half maybe take my watch off so I have no idea so calming so relaxing tonight there's no one here Jenna Jenna babe what are your rules for yourself in terms of taking breaks
throughout the day and when you're working on a project do you kind of just go go go or do you schedule time oh wow when you were working at a company like this and it is so collaborative you sort of have to just be comfortable and be okay
with the fact that there's a lot of things that are just gonna appear on your calendar because your job requires you to work with a lot of other people I think that's just something I don't like about the job that's just the one that I didn't that's not
something that can change so this is more just me trying to become more adaptable to the style of the way we were I just want to feel less stressed out about my time management and I just want to stop being such a baby you're able to recognize that
when you're in that place of stress things feel personal that aren't personal something I've been working with and working on since I was a child I've always taken things really personal do you talk to yourself in a negative way when that happened yeah and start to doubt yourself
mm-hmm I think connecting with each other will help us connect to what ultimate mission statement of lady-like is I think it'll also just remind us that we're friends you know what I mean we're coworkers and we have that beautiful respect and boundary where like the Spice Girl we've
all peed outside yeah [Music] we've unplug from bathrooms yay packing up cuz we're gonna go back home and eat some dinner but look it's nature it's a heron or maybe a crane I don't know Fred makes a bird face that's the bird we're leaving the lake and honestly
I had like a really good time I actually wasn't really missing my phone that much maybe unplugging is more about like learning to unplug in situations where you can connect better with other people ding ding ding ding ding there so we just got back from the beach aka
the lake we're about to cook dinner what's on the menu bike oh we have a full spread tonight oh we've got big chicken nuggets with our own little sriracha mayo ketchup sauce yeah we have asparagus with balsamic tomatoes hold up and the most indulgent part of this meal
is the baked brie in pastry with raspberry jam it really feels like it's the self talk for you that you want to focus on so if you could talk to yourself in those moments and remind yourself that this is enough this is a contract I made for myself
and this is actually good for me and good for my work you might be able to settle in more to the moment this is truly the longest I think I've ever gone truly do feel okay because I'm whipped people were able to chat we're like you know listening
to music conversation is flowing two beautiful chefs cooking for us yes beautiful chefs we're sipping on wine pros a risky I rated because they're nothing in that work in the slightest right now that's great and you're doing what you enjoy which is cooking looking and hanging with Franz
Kristen how are you feeling I honestly I was really anxious earlier and now I'm feeling better I think it's gonna be able to see how I feel tonight so you're worried about the consequences of actually taking this time off yeah even though ideally it sounds nice it feels
like practically it doesn't work yes I actually worked on my vacation too it's one of those things where there's no way out except through and there's no ending so it's just forever sustainable no it's absolutely not sustainable which is I think why we're doing this video what in
heaven's name Devon did you set this a table alfresco outside in the trees and the mountains this is so nice look at these lights and we're gonna start with the baked brie and usually emmalin who does all the cooking in my household so when I wasn't cooking I
felt like I wasn't doing anything and I didn't have a phone to look at we moved inside we were getting bitten because once you're talking with people it's like I'm on what's up with me and then like when I am NOT talking people I can like shut down
you just sit though you don't need to tell jokes I know but then I'm just like walking back and forth if you're gonna be pushing on the gas pedal and there's no gas in the tank you're not going anywhere why don't you see if you have any urgent
text that's kind of more water good yeah I'm gonna check to see if I have any urgent tech oh and if I do do I'm gonna respond if I don't know so disappointed to this Jen was happening over there so I wonder what that means in terms of
your role while you're away well here's the thing like I don't want to argue I know what the experience I'm trying to create is a little bit different it's a bit of a departure I get it that's good the fact that you don't want to argue these are
the rules one hour of phone time I'm not willing to negotiate because I love you and this is good for you and if somebody does grab their phone or whatever it is that's where I think it might be helpful for you to recognize your own boundaries are you
gonna put it back down so Freddie why are you sauntering over to the phone box the box and that's because it got removed when Kristen and James got their phone what's so bad to just press the button and he went oh oh it only looked like one notification
which is the G Cal Oh put it away only have one G remain it's a double-edged sword so it's about 1156 midnight I'm about 30 minutes into my phone time I really hope I'm not coming across as like self-righteous or anything like that when it's gone and I
give myself the permission to kind of like let go of it don't miss it because sometimes like phone dings really caused my anxiety to rise and notifications really may me nervous and incoming emails a full inbox really irks me so I'm gonna do it bad I think it's
been a good day I've been a good day away so it's day two of us in the Idlewild cabin to watch a cut of a video and give notes on it so that the kids continue to release content on our page how did everyone's phones and go last
night TV shows my computer I checked Twitter for about five minutes that I got really sad and then I decided that I didn't meet it and then I just like yay it didn't take me long to catch up on some time like I thought oh man there's so
many emails so many instagrams to look at and their work that's my story my phone time was probably a good 45 texting catching up on emails it wasn't much going on an Instagram those are y'all where are we we're at living free thanks ray so what are we
doing here today you're gonna play with some cats and dog we're gonna release the animals in D no we're not let them go no we're not [Music] Kermit it sir I need well it was okay thanks what are some things that you tell them like your country is
obviously it's being aware of the animal keeping a respectful distance and then just walk away no one likes anyone to force themselves upon when I got up in your face yeah approach you like we came over here these premiers came up and said hi so if you've seen
someone come into the beginning well the one young lady I can talk about softened I'm happy when you see her now compared to the first time we saw her a year and a half ago she was happy as she's smiling and she said the day she spent with
Lily was a life-changing experience we've had other people saying the same thing I really can't speak with her Vienna but we also call her jasmine princess warriors she took on 180 pound mountain lion ah get the holy snot yes we are leaving the animal sanctuary now we are
headed back it's about 3:30 in the afternoon it was really nice to see the animals it was really nice to pet and touch them there's some of these cats there was somebody big strong I'm really happy that they did that and I think I'm most impressed by how
horses can be used for therapy as blown away by the amount of cares expertise that these are you a horse boy my horse boy oh my god [Music] a coin therapy I think it would be such a monumental cure for toxic masculinity because it's all about consent it's
all about asking and it's all about feeling out boundaries anyone really struggles with boundaries right therapy that was absolutely insane I fell in love with a can her name was Godiva and she was a white cat on lion cat and I was obsessed with her I'm considering freeing
Roberta up here and seeing how they interact and potentially adapting that we'll see if y'all are you ready to go to the cabin this afternoon on a rainy day and listen to the rain yeah now it's raining which is even more relaxing and we're just gonna like curl
up and hang out and get cozy and be cozy without our phone what do we learn most experience I think we all are in this lesson but I feel like I learned that it's surprising how little you'll miss your phone and it wasn't like we don't have good
conversations and we have our phone but I do think like I would have been more likely to get distracted or just be less engaged that the conversations wouldn't have lasted as long if I'd had it yeah I definitely had a lot of fun just sitting and chatting the
company was great and like you said like we just sit and chat all the time but I do think it was a little bit more in-depth I also really enjoyed cooking and like just it felt like we're a big family like having a family dinner together and breakfast
and it's just it was very wholesome it was very good for bonding like I think that it was good for me to get off Twitter probably a very positive thing so I think it's less about being off my phone and more about not being around toxic things anymore
so unplugging for a couple days lady tested weight and power powering back up let's get out of here wait oh here we go you don't even know [Music]